(K’ain slams his fist against the cabin wall. All the rage pent up, boiling over, the regret at not having driven his sword through the Wu S’olpiir’s heart, like K’laan. Metal driving through meat. They call it cutting but it’s rending. Tearing the sinews. A blunt force driving through muscle, tearing and breaking, crushing bone, squeezing blood from vessels til they break.)
(His voice breaks with so much anger. Tyvian and Bregg have never ever seen him this angry. Not even when he took K’laan by the throat and slaughtered him like an animal, not even when he fought the Tarsan in Inniskeep or killed Burell Cohavian in Barukai. They have never seen anything like this.)
Our entire life given to Portagaal! Everything! EVERYTHING!
(Again his fist hits the wall, SLAM!)
We are too full! Too full of souls for B’aas! We have sinned for Portagaal, killed, and sinned, and killed and killed and killed until our heart and soul are red and stained with it so Raiir can sit on his silken throne with a clean conscience! Clean hands! Dripping with blood!
Our entire life! For what!?
(He rounds on Bregg and Tyvian in the doorway. Only Tyvian has seen anything like this before, when they first spoke on the bloody beach in the Singe. So long ago.)
When we were only thirteen, they took our Pajak and burned it. They gave us a mask to hide behind and told us to sell our soul to protect the Empire! We were a boy! Younger than Davyn! We have killed, men, women, Nyverian, Cóng Manii, Dunbach. And every single one a stain on our soul. Every single one a soul in our hands. A responsibility. The WEIGHT! Since we were thirteen springs old!
(He is pacing now, like a caged animal. Tyvian worries he might hurt himself.)
We killed to protect the people of Cóng Manaar. Because if we did not innocents would suffer. But it does not MATER! It’s Raiir’s joke! Portagaal never needed us! It has it’s dogs, the Cóng I’shaas! They don’t have a conscience or a soul to stain! They do not need to know right from wrong. They just follow ORDERS! They can kill a man like manii s’ai and think no more of it! And we are not Manii after all! Just a tool! Op’laasc Portagaal!
Our entire life! EVERYTHING!
(Once more his first hits the wall, but this time it is as if all of his energy disapates with it. He falls to his knees, sobbing uncontrollably. Something neither Human has even seen. All the emotion, and pain and anger that has always been pent up in their quiet, reserved companion laid out bare and raw.)
A’laasu Mei’tii! She was only a girl! Nineteen! She should never have been Maniis N’gaal-fiis! Tortured! Killing for Portagaal! She wasn’t strong enough. Cóng S’ai A’maan! S’ut agraas nakai m’agiir! Maniis maniin, vorgiis’ti agraas! S’kar! She spent her soul for Portagaal and the guilt drove her mad! Bagaat e s’ut ka’iir! Tah’Braak! So much blood on our hands! AND WHY!? WHAT FOR?! S’kar p’aar?! We should have fought a wyrld of ghosts to keep her safe! But the EMPIRE!… A’maan! Cóng S’ai A’maan! P’AAR!? We sold our souls for NOTHING! NOTHING! And… Maniis maniin… Alaasu… there was so much blood… everything… our entire life… for nothing… ghosts…
(Words finally fail him, completely given over to tortured sobs, clutching his arms, nails biting the flesh, the tattoos marking the lives he’s taken.)